So here it is, my fourth blog for my journalism class. So far I’ve included 2/5 things that I generated and one that someone else generated. I’m on the right track. Maybe….we shall see.
Today was a hard day for me. I had class this morning – I still want to hurt the person who scheduled me for a 7:00 a.m. class after a class that ends at 10:00 p.m. Monday night. However, with everything that has gone on in my family for the past year plus, I’m afraid that people who know me might take that action the wrong way. Plus every time I try to hit myself, I flinch. Family suicide survivor humor? At least it was my attempt at it. After class, I came home and studied for the two tests I have next – the same Monday night/Tuesday morning scenario and then I went to have lunch with a dear friend after what seems like forever since we last saw each other outside of church. That was fun and I always enjoy spending time with her. She gives great advice. From there I had to head south on the 5 freeway because Stephanie’s family memorial was this afternoon. My oldest sister, Angelina just returned from Italy because Stephanie wished to be buried in the family cemetery at my villa in Florence. It looks like the rest of the family will be going to Italy for the formal service there once all the students are out of school for their break. I have six weeks off between semesters and I’m seriously considering spending all of it in the one place that I can totally relax. Despite that the villa is where Pete took his life last year, I was there in December 2012-mid January 2013 and in that time, I can come to terms with a lot of it and before I left the country to come back to California, I was able in the room where ‘it’ happened. Definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done, but with the help of a kitten who had hung around the villa (her, her mother and her siblings have been indoor residents since I left), I was able to get through that. When I left, I instructed my cousins, who manage the property for me, to get rid of everything that was in the room and completely redo it. While I am glad that my sister-in-law and I are getting along better, I hate that it’s because of another loss. But pulling together as a family is definitely better than being torn apart.
Tomorrow will be a much better day. I have an interview in Orange at the Mental Health Alliance of Orange County, where I have applied for a position as a mentor. It is an unpaid job, but sometimes volunteering can be very therapeutic. There is something about serving others that takes your mind off of your own crap for a little while. If I get this position, which I am pretty sure I will, I will be mentoring kids who come from broken homes and have been abused. Part of the “group” that I plan to focus on after I’m done with school and have the degree that will actually lead to a job working with these kids. I’m not sure if it will be a county position, or if I will be able to land a job with a foster organization. I just know that after everything I’ve been through, I have much more empathy for these kids, because growing up, I was one of those kids with an abusive “father” who it turned out was not my biological dad. I’m pretty sure that there is no situation they could have experienced that I can’t relate too. I’m looking forward to being a safe sounding board for these kids and most likely, in some small way by helping them to heal, they will also help me to heal. That’s so much bigger than any paycheck I could ever bring home.